he puts the penis in happiness.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
