They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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