Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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