i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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