How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
