What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
