i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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