My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
