end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
