You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
