there's paper in my vomit.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
