Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
