The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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