so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
