I wish you could order shots online.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
