So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
