We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
