highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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