dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
