While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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