is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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