Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
