he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
