Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
