just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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