i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
