The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
