I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
