I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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