dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
