i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
