no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
