I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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