I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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