i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
