i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
