Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
