You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize