glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
