Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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