I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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