Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
