In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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