I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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