Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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