I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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