I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
