I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
