All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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