awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
