The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
