I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have already put on my inside pants.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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