I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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