I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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