I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
