yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need water and some morals
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
