there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
