So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When are your genitals available?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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