Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I FOUND THE LEGS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
