forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
