i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
