his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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