When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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