I wannas sexs uuuuu
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
