When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
