Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
