i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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