i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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