Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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