that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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