dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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